“Real Men of Genius”: Mr. Delusional Michigan Fan

So I was simply surfing my favorite message board when I came across a new”Real Men of Genius” parody.  I don’t know which message board the poster originally found it at (no link is provided) but nonetheless I felt I would share it with you because I got several good chuckles out of it.

Bud Light presents Real Men of Genius
(Reeeeaaal Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Delusional Michigan Fan
(Mr. Delusional Michigan Faaaaaan!)

Season after season, year after year, you try to
justify your absurdly high preseason ranking
(clutching at straws!)

Season after season, year after year, you scramble
to make futile attempts
at damage control when the Wolverines lose to a
grossly inferior opponent
(How’d Appalachian State score Thirty Fouuuuur?)

Inevitably, you’ll bring up the past, boast of
National Championships won 40
years before you were born (those were the
daaaaaays!)

You will point out that you have more wins than any
other program as though
that is relevant to the current season (been playing
since the 1870’s)

Go on, ignore that loss to Ohio State in the regular
season finale and
continue to believe that you’ll defeat your bowl
opponent with striking ease
(we’ll win by thirteeeeeey!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Emperor of
Excuses, and take comfort
knowing that when you finish ranked number twenty,
you’ll be back to number
five when the preseason polls come out next year
(Mr. Delusional Michigan
Fan!)

You’re The Wave, You’re The Wave, You’re The Wave…

Well, tomorrow afternoon I am heading back to Happy Valley and I’m more pumped than Jimmy Clausen at a Bon-Ton clearance sale (sorry, I just HAD to squeeze one more Jimmy Clausen joke in there. I think this may be even harder to resist than reminiscing about Appalachian State). I also have a new reason to look forward to Saturday’s showdown because the student section will attempt to introduce the rest of Beaver Stadium to the “Slow-Motion Wave” (“Slo-Mo Wave” for short). My one friend sent me an invite to a facebook group that describes this event in further detail and I decided to copy the important parts of the group’s description and post them on here as a way of spreading the word.

Here’s the plan:
During the first TV time out of the THIRD quarter, I’m going to (attempt to) start this. I’ll be somewhere in the Junior (student) section and have a sign that says “Slo Mo Wave”. Your job is just to keep a look out and participate. If you happen to be anywhere near me and see the sign, get everyone around you to join in. Once the first bunch of people realize that it’s slow motion, the entire stadium will catch on.

The facebook group also provides a couple videos to showcase what a proper and improper slow-mo wave looks like

Milwaukee Brewers fans show you how its done in the clip below

Meanwhile, their fellow statesmen in Madison demonstrate the shitty way of doing it.

Apparently, this will not be the first time PSU students will attempt the slo-mo wave, they did it this past spring at Eisenhower Auditorium when Charlie Murphy came to visit. I’m sure for Charlie it had all the fun of drop-kicking Rick James…with none of the bruises.

Charlie Murphy formally endorses the “slo-mo wave”

I’ve also been rather shocked/impressed with the numerous “Karate Kid” themed google searches that have led people to accidentally stumble over to this site so I figure I’d share them with you as well:

crane kick karate kid (4 hits) – I’ll post the video this time, like I should have done in one of my prior columns where I used the whole “crane kick” analogy for Appalachian State.

elizabeth shoe (2) – Note to Miss Teen South Carolina: Replace the “o” with a “u”

mr miyagi (2) – (Thinking of something clever to write)….

daniel san karate kid (1) – One thing that made the Karate Kid trilogy rather amusing was just how often Daniel-San got his ass kicked as opposed to kicking ass himself. He truly was the best…arouuuund…

Anyway, I’m getting tired, I need my beauty rest to survive the horrific traffic I’ll be facing going through Harrisburg and into State College. I’ll be bringing the laptop with me so be on the lookout for a potential rundown of this weekend’s big games tomorrow night. Otherwise, I’ll have post-game thoughts up here either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

GO! STATE! BEAT! IRISH!

Blue-White Roundtable

Thanks to Nick and Galen at The Nittany Line for coming up with this week’s questions for outer-circle members like myself to mooch from. RUTS, BSD, TINNOMJ, WilliamYurasko and newcomer to the inner-circle, The Nittany Blog also have some quality responses. Anyway, let’s cut to the chase…

1. Which is worse: having your parachute fail to open while skydiving or losing to Appalachian State?

After seeing one of the most disturbing YouTube videos ever on RUTS, I’m gonna go with losing to App State…at least the parachuter survived.

2. Is it too early to worry about the running game?

Let’s put it this way: Remember last year when everyone started panicking about our ground game after it struggled mightily against Akron? Well, the next week Tony Hunt got 74 yards on 12 carries (6.2 avg) and went on to have several solid games throughout the season. If we could run it to a certain degree of success on ND last year with an O-line that wasn’t as good as this year’s, I don’t see why we can’t do it again this Saturday.

3. Is just a win enough to satisfy you this weekend against Notre Dame or are there qualifiers on a victory to make it acceptable?

I’ll be greatly disappointed if we win by less than 30 points…I keed! I keed!(sort of). I’ll accept any margin of victory so long as the defense gives Jimmy Clausen several “Welcome To College Football” moments, Scott/Kinlaw/Royster go “Speedy Gonzales” on the ground, and Morelli lights up the ND secondary like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.

Lightning Round

Got a ticket, praying for a ticket, or watching the game somewhere else this weekend?

Luckily for me, my dad has had 2 season tickets since 1994 so there will be a ticket waiting for me when I go home to State College this Friday. I’ll be up in Section NA, 38th row (basically, in the area where the visitor’s tunnel is located) just like the good ol’ days of grade school.

What non-PSU game are you looking forward to this weekend?

I’m most interested in seeing how Michigan attempts to bounce back against Oregon. Unfortunately, it’s a 3:30 PM kickoff and I’ll likely be out tailgating by that time so unless there happens to be somebody with a TV hookup nearby, I may be out of luck. I know TCU-Texas is a 7 PM kickoff so hopefully I can get home in time after our game to see if TCU is giving the ‘Horns as much of a run as Arkansas State did last week. I’m not particularly interested in the game that follows us on ESPN, I’m talking Virginia Tech-LSU. LSU is going to blow VT right out of the water.

It’s a Celebration Bitches!

About an hour after Michigan fell on the wrong end of the greatest upset in modern college football history, YouTube began to light up with videos of the ensuing celebrations that followed.

In this clip, the PSU students are celebrating App State’s go-ahead field goal with 30 seconds to go.

And this was taken right after the game-sealing blocked field goal

And in this clip, Israel and Palestine hold hands and sing “Kumbaya”

Hail, To The Victors…

I only have three words to describe today thus far: UN…FREAKIN’…BELIEVABLE! I dare someone to name me a crazier start to the opening weekend of college football than a Top 5 ranked program and perennial conference favorite losing at home to a D-IAA program. Notre Dame’s 1995 season-opening loss to Northwestern was trumped today by Michigan losing in the Big House to a tiny little mountain college called Appalachian State, marking the first time ever that a D-IAA school beat a Top 25 school.

Watching this game was like watching Daniel-San deliver the winning “crane kick” to Johnny Lawrence in The Karate Kid (a fitting analogy considering Michigan’s Cobra Kai-like fan base).  App State jumped out to a convincing lead, only to have Michigan rally back to reclaim the lead, and despite the go-ahead field goal by App State with 30 seconds left, the Wolverines had their “Finish Him!” moment with a seemingly routine mid-range field goal…only to have it get blocked.  Game over, Elizabeth Shue runs onto the field to hug the hero while Mr. Miyagi shows his quiet approval on the sideline.

Appalachian State is the BEST…AROUND…Nothing’s gonna ever keep them down!

For comedic purposes, I was hoping to see the Michigan A.D. run up to Lloyd Carr after the game and hand him a nice pink slip after the most embarrassing loss by far in Michigan football history. Considering the fact the Michigan scout.com board is in total nuclear meltdown right now one might think Lloyd’s *hours* are numbered in Ann Arbor. What I really want to see though is Michigan’s constant shit-talking tailback Mike Hart declare a vow of silence for the rest of season like Paul Dano (the Nietzsche-reading teenager) in Little Miss Sunshine.

A few quick thoughts on today’s annihilation of FIU:

– Save for a couple nice cuts to the end zone, Austin Scott disappointed me. Expect to continue seeing Kinlaw get some quality PT, maybe even Royster as well until one of these backs establishes themselves as the main man.

– Morelli was awesome, throwing for 300 yards, 3 TDs/0 INTs, and most importantly no WTF-type throws. He seems to be doing a much better job of checking down on his receivers as opposed to staring down the primary receiver like he did last year. It was also nice to see a little more variety in the passing game with some nice over-the-middle throws coupled in with some shorter routes and “let it fly” deep passes. I was telling everyone last year who jumped off or were seriously contemplating jumping off the Morelli bandwagon that Morelli was the second of coming of Kerry Collins (take your lumps during the first year as a starter, and then come back with a vengeance the following year by ripping it up through the air and being a true leader of the offense). While we still have a whole season ahead of us, they likely won’t be laughing at me anymore…

– The defense was good as advertised, apparently those D-line injuries didn’t mean jack squat with regards to shutting down the running game as we held FIU to -3 yards total rushing.

Bring on the Irish…(who are currently being shut out at the half by Georgia Tech)