Your Moment Of Zen

You know, all of this past week’s criticism of Jay Paterno blogging about Barack Obama when he should be busy implementing his “Spread HD” offense got me thinking of another disaster that plagued the Democratic party 20 years ago.

I’m talking of course, about Michael Dukakis’ infamous “tank pose” photo in response to criticism from Bush Sr. that he was “too soft on defense.” Such a stunt (along with allowing some murderer named Willie Horton free weekend passes out of prison and responding “No” in a very non-chalant fashion when asked during a CNN debate whether he would support the death penalty if somebody were to rape and kill his wife) resulted in a total backfire and Dukakis was eaten up like PSU’s secondary in the latter half of last season come election night, 1988.

They say that “history repeats itself.” Well, for cripe’s sake, I sure hope that repetitive moment won’t be arriving anytime soon…

YES…WE…CAN!!!

JayPa Shoots His Eye Out (Again)

As I mentioned in a recent post, Jay Paterno decided that sabotaging PSU football wasn’t enough and thus has started up a blog on Barack Obama’s website.

Well, it seems like the Jay-bashers have gotten a whiff of the stench emanating from the nether-regions of “YES WE CAN-ville” and have left him quite a few words of wisdom in the “Comments” section of one his more recent blog posts.

Because there’s so many comments (43 as of the time of this writing) and they’re all so goddamned hilarious to the point where Yours Truly was practically in tears, I’ll leave you with just a tasty sample of what you can expect:

Here’s a post from a rather pissed-off Galen Hall. How pissed off was he? More pissed off than the time Jay left a burning bag of dog poop on his front doorstep.

By Galen from State College, PA Jun 20th 2008 at 1:58 pm EDT

Jay,What are you doing responding on a stupid blog at 10:02 am???

We were scheduled to go over some offensive schemes at 9:45.

I swear, you are lucky you have blood-ties to Coach Paterno, you snivelling little buffoon. I don’t know why I bother even showing up for meetings with you anymore. All you do is stare at the TV screen playing some nonsense football video game, yammering about “one more touchdown and I get the high score.”

Kid, I have no idea what this program is in for when your father retires, but I pray it has NOTHING in the cards with your hand in it. Next thing you know, you’ll be making the team practice in tie-dyes and sing Koombayah before you have a “teambuilding” activity like a flag-burning.

Asking a recruit if he’s registered to vote and if he is a Democrat or Republican is NOT an effective recruiting tool either, you snot.

My blood pressure is rising, time for my afternoon nap.

Jay even did a little sparring with a fellow poster who suggested he spend more time improving a disgustingly mediocre offense instead of blogging about Obama.

By Joe Eb from York, PA Jun 20th 2008 at 9:52 am EDT
And Jay you should be worrying about the offense of a college football team that has a LOT of questions, not blogging about Obama.

By Jay Paterno Jun 20th 2008 at 10:02 am EDT
For your information our offense was #1 in the Big Ten last year in the only two categories that we really look at: the key situations of Red Zone and Third Downs (and to a lesser extent 4th downs where we ranked #7 in the nation).

…And to a lesser extent, #8 in the Big Ten in Passing Offense (You are a fucking QB COACH after all, Jay), #5 in Rushing Offense, #7 in Total Offense, #8 in Pass Efficiency, and #1 in Penalties.

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? Such stats are meaningless when you’re desperately trying to establish yourself as more than just a “Daddy’s Boy” who’s as qualified to coach QBs as I am to fly an F-16.

RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH!!!!

Click here to continue laughing

The REAL Reason To Vote For Obama

It’s 3 AM and your children are safe and asleep. There’s a phone in the White House and it’s ringing…It’s Kim Jong-Il on the other line, bragging about how he already beat Michael Jordan twice in “HORSE” and now wants to challenge our Commander-in-Chief to a game of “one-on-one.”

At stake is the elimination of the 38th parallel and total reconciliation between the two Koreas should our President win…Who do you want answering that phone call?

That’s what I thought…

Do You Have Any TP???

I realize I have yet to say anything about the Terrelle Pryor situation.  Really, that’s because there isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been regurgitated over and over again.  It’s pretty much down to us and Ohio State at this point and one can only hope that Tom Bradley and (*gasp*) JayPa’s going over the top (Stallone-style) in terms of pursuing TP will make the difference whenever a final decision is made.

In other news…

• Did anyone happen to catch the Clemson-UNC game Sunday Night?  Unfortunately, my shitty cable system doesn’t get FSN so I was forced to follow via ESPN.com’s GameTracker.  Talk about a heartbreaker though, Clemson was winless in Chapel Hill in 52 tries and looked to be well on their way to finally breaking their futility streak, leading a depleted, point guard-less UNC team by double digits for practically the entire game…Until the bottom fell out in the final few minutes of regulation and UNC rallied like mad to ultimately win in 2 OTs.  This now the second time this season that Clemson has lost to UNC when they seemingly had the victory in hand, two losses that come Selection Sunday, could bite them in the ass.  There’s a million different analogies you can use to describe such heartache, so use your imagination wisely…
• While I’m still on the subject of college hoops, ESPN’s Pat Forde has a “coaches on the hot seat” section in his latest column but a certain head coach isn’t listed on it.  Perhaps, they didn’t get the memo that PSU is back to its usual ways of losing to crappy teams on the road that they should be beating?
• Maryland and Virginia primaries are being voted on right now, and my fingers are crossed in hopes that Barack Obama will continue to build off the February momentum he’s managed to gain, he’s got the better chance at knocking off John McCain come November than the ultra-polarizing Billary ever would.

My Thoughts Exactly

Leave it to the good folks at “The Daily Show” to explain Mitt Romney’s inability to win over a significant proportion of the “douche vote.”

Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.thedailyshow.com posted with vodpod

Douchebaggery At Its Finest

Does anyone else find it oxymoronic that Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts who has flip-flopped on hot-topic issues like abortion, is accusing a guy like John McCain of being “out of touch” with the conservative thought? Check out this transcript from CNN’s broadcast of the previous night’s Republican debate:

JANET HOOK, LOS ANGELES TIMES: Governor Romney, you’ve spent the last several days warning voters that John McCain as president would follow, quote, “a liberal, Democratic course.” But, by most measures, doesn’t he have a pretty mainstream conservative record?

ROMNEY: I’m sure on many issues he does, and he’s a good Republican. I wouldn’t question those credentials at all. But there are a number of pieces of legislation where his views are out of the mainstream, at least in my view, of conservative Republican thought.

So, for instance, he’s opposed to drilling in ANWR, I believe. If I’m correct — correct me, Senator. He voted twice against the Bush tax cuts. Only two Republicans did that.

He is a co-author of McCain-Feingold, which I think took a whack at the First Amendment and I do believe, as well, hurt our party pretty significantly. And I think it’s made money have an even greater influence in politics today, not less influence.

He also was one of the co-authors of McCain-Kennedy, the first bill, by the way, not that bad. About 5 percent or 10 percent of the people, by our calculation, got a form of amnesty. Most people went home.

Under the final version of McCain-Kennedy, everybody who was here illegally, other than those who committed crimes, was eligible to receive a Z-visa. For $3,000, they got to stay here for the rest of their life. That’s not a Republican thought.

And then now McCain-Lieberman, which is a unilateral — meaning U.S.-only imposed — cap-and-trade program, which puts a burden, as much as 50 cents a gallon, on gasoline in this country. It basically says Americans are going to pay for the cost of global warming, not the Chinese and Indians and forth.

So those views are outside the mainstream of Republican conservative thought. And I guess I’d also note that, if you get endorsed by the New York Times, you’re probably not a conservative.

COOPER: Senator McCain?

MCCAIN: Let me note that I was endorsed by your two hometown newspapers who know you best, including the very conservative Boston Herald…

ROMNEY: I’d say the same thing.

MCCAIN: … who know you well better than anybody. So I’ll guarantee the Arizona Republic will be endorsing me, my friend.

I decided to bolden the real “zinger” of this exchange because it doesn’t get any more douchier than a former governor of one of the most liberal states in the Union accusing somebody of not being conservative enough because they’re endorsed by a certain newspaper.  Talk about grasping at straws…

Season’s Greetings To All…

Except you Mike Huckabee, you piece of shit. I’m sure Jesus Christ himself will be very pleased about you using his birthday as a means for your own political gains…

Manic Monday

This just in…Michael Vick has found Jesus.

As I type this entry, Michael Vick is apologizing to the nation at a live press conference, having pled guilty to dogfighting charges that seem all but certain to put an abrupt end to his once-promising playing career. While the maximum sentence possible for Vick’s heinous crimes is 5 years in prison, it seems like he’s facing a 12-18 month sentence instead. We will find out for sure though come sentencing time on December 10th.

Assuming for a moment that Vick gets the bare minimum of a 12-month prison sentence, he would be likely finish his sentence come the end of 2008 which means he is missing the next two NFL seasons. Factor in the high possibility that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell (who has really laid down the hammer on misbehaving players in just one year on the job) will impose a season-long suspension of his own once Vick is done serving his time and that means Vick would be out for the 2009 season as well. So best case scenario for Vick is being back for the 2010 NFL season…as starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.

On an even brighter note: Alberto Gonzales has finally stepped down as Attorney General…his good name was merely “dragged through the mud for political reasons” according to George W himself. You mean the same “political reasons” that led to him firing those U.S. Attorneys last year? You mean the same “political reasons” that led to his authorization of Big Brother-like wiretapping? His resignation was wayyyyyyyyyy overdue along with Karl Rove’s. Current Homeland Security General Michael Chertoff is rumored to be Gonzales’ replacement, hopefully someone reminds him that managing the Attorney General position is not the same as managing FEMA’s response to Hurricane Katrina.