Big Ten Blogger Roundtable (Week 5)

Boiled Sports has this week’s questions, and in a deliberate attempt at lameness has decided to name it the BTB “Squaretable” instead.

Well, to that I say: FUCK…YO…SQUARETABLE!

Alright, on to the good part:

1) We’re all car guys here at BS. So your task is to assign your own program a vehicle. Is Purdue an all-terrain vehicle like a Jeep or a Hummer? Something befitting a brawny Boilermaker? Is Ohio State a slow, conversion van being passed by Corvettes with USC markings? Is IU a John Deere tractor with a hillbilly riding on it? Get creative and let us know both what your school is if it’s a car as well as assigning a vehicle to as many of the other Big Ten schools as you like. (I’d require you to do them all but I know attention spans are short and counting to 11 is hard.)

Unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with a car for each Big Ten school.  You can blame it on my busy schedule/lack of car knowledge/laziness.

Penn State – 1968 Pontiac Firebird.

Sure, it’s old and outdated and probably should’ve been scrapped years ago but there’s still an attractiveness to it after all these years that makes one extremely reluctant to let it go.

Ohio State (Before Terrelle Pryor) – Ford Pinto

Things were going alright for the Buckeyes until they got severely rear-ended by USC and exploded in flames.

Ohio State (After Terrelle Pryor) – Knight Rider

Hasselhoff's 'fro sold seperately...

Hasselhoff's 'fro sold separately.

Michigan – Gob’s segway on Arrested Development.

Until Dick Rod’s finished product comes off the assembly lines, this will be their only means of going anywhere.

2) In Week 1 in the NFL, the New England Patriots learned how precious things can be when Tom Brady had his knee blown out by a former Boilermaker. Let’s say your team wins out from here to the end and is in a BCS bowl game with a chance to do the school and conference proud – what ONE player on your squad would you most likely cry about having his knee blown out in the first quarter? That is, who is truly indispensable?

We have so many weapons offensively that it’s hard to pinpoint one guy whose injury would cripple our attack, so we’re going to look towards the defense on this one:

I’d have to go with Navorro Bowman, he is establishing himself as clearly the best healthy linebacker we have right now.  Look no further than last week’s 11 tackle/3 sack/1 INT game against Temple as evidence of that.

3) Purdue plays Notre Dame this week and, well, we detest Notre Dame like probably no other program. Let’s say I have the power to force you (maybe you lost a bet to me) to wear another Big Ten school’s colors to an away game for that team. That is, you’re wearing OSU colors to a game being played at Michigan, or something like that. And I’m talking, dorky, head-to-toe… goofy-ass sweatshirts and flat-brimmed, ridiculous-looking hats. If you have to choose, which program would you be able to stomach wearing? (Remember, you’re going to an away game, so people won’t like you and accept you and you’ll be taking this abuse for a school you’re not even affiliated with.) And by the same token, what program could you absolutely not EVER stomach wearing, under any circumstances?

This one’s rather easy for me: I’d dress up in full-on Ohio State garb, being that my mom’s from Columbus and an OSU grad (though not a sports fan, so she likes PSU) and I was born in Columbus myself, I have a small place in my heart for the Buckeyes and they’re the only non-PSU team I can genuinely root for.

And if you need me to write out which school’s clothing I would refuse to dress up in (except in dire circumstances such as being held at gunpoint being forced to choose between wearing said hated team’s colors or participating in a “lemon party”), then perhaps you should stop calling yourself a “Big Ten Guy.”

4) I like big butts and I can not lie. Share your embarrassing guilty pleasure music selection that you know other people might laugh at. Bonus points if you can send a YouTube video of an awful music video with it. Many/most of us grew up and/or went to college in the ‘80s and ‘90s so I know you’ve all got some Nelson After The Rain on the iPod.

I’m likely one of the young-uns in the BTB community, being that I only graduated high school in 2002..but I digress.

My most recent guilty pleasure has been the song “Cannonball” by The Breeders.  I’m not a fan of “angry white girl rock” but goddamn, that bass intro..so simplistic, yet so catchy and so 90’s…

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