As RUTS has stated already, the strong stench of mediocrity that has permeated throughout Happy Valley over the last couple years has gotten so bad that finishing first in any sort of poll would provide PSU fans with some much needed satisfaction, even the infamous Fulmer Cup…Perhaps that’s why Yours Truly was rather disappointed when he read that Orson Swindle over at EDSBS was giving us six measley points for Chris Bell’s “Crocodile Dundee” impersonation.
As spectacular as accosting your teammate with a knife is, the charges remain surprisingly paltry:
Bell, 21, was arraigned before District Judge Daniel Hoffman on numerous charges, including terroristic threats, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, disorderly conduct and harassment. He was jailed, with bail set at $50,000.
All of the charges are misdemeanors, leaving us with five points on five charges. Even with one bonus point for the spectacularly stupid nature of the crime, the max we can award here is six points. For the perverse Penn State fan hoping for more points here, you should be ashamed. (And, um, no, you can’t have any.)
Granted, it’s still very early in the Fulmer Cup season so there’s time for yet another Blue & White clusterfuck that could potentially earn us some major points. Might I suggest armed robbery, kidnapping, or maybe even starting a polygamist ranch out in Bellefonte?
Better yet, there’s approximately 20,000 girls that attend Penn State, and I’m willing to bet most of them have never been given the “Aunt Jemima treatment…”