These Three Things I KNOW Are True (Early April Boredom Edition)

  1. To those of you who believed this site was actually headed on a one-way train to blogger hell: APRIL FOOLS!!! While the updates will continue to be sporadic due to the insanely high shit-pile I’m dealing with in the real world, I still plan to be here for the long haul…Get used to it.
  2. With the famed chicken cosmo being wiped off of on-campus food menus everywhere, the next couple of days are going to be a mourning period for Penn Staters past and present (Unless of course, you’re a tree-hugging, emo-rock listening, latte-drinking, vegan). Yours Truly chowed down on his lion’s share (pun completely intended) of these things during his five years as a student and believe me when I say that with “Lean Cuisine” frozen dinners being a staple of my current diet, my mouth waters for just one more bite of these mysterious patties. In fact, I will handsomely reward somebody who can manage to sneak out a cosmo from one of the dining commons and ship it to me so I can re-live the good ol’ days one last time…Well, what are you waiting for? Hup to it!

R.I.P., chicken cosmo

3. With basketball star Stanley Pringle being accused of…uh…poor library etiquette, HHV feels this is a task too tall for Penn State police to handle. It’s going to take a special person, one who specializes in investigating such uh…incidents. I’m talking about the nation’s #1 public masturbation expert: Carl Monday.

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