Insomnia And The Hole In The Universe

Well, as I warned in my inaugural post: My duties as a first-year law student would likely keep me from updating this thing as much as I would like to. My average bedtime over the past few nights has been 3 AM so excuse me if my grammar structure is a little incoherent, but now that I’ve got time for a post (and a nap) I figure it’s time to get back to business.

As most of you know by now, the already injury-depleted defensive line suffered another big blow yesterday when Abe Koroma went down with a severe ankle injury which will require surgery, putting him out for what seems to be 6-8 weeks. The good folks at LaschOut provide some excellent commentary regarding the current D-line situation and what our coaching staff needs to do in order to overcome this nagging problem until someone gets healthy.

To make up for lost time, I’m going to play “mooch” and answer questions from the “Blue-White Roundtable” courtesy of There Is No Name On My Jersey that Run Up The Score, Black Shoe Diaries, The Nittany Line, and William Yurakso pitched in their two cents on a few days ago. Since I am not officially “in” with this prestigious group (meaning, I don’t get the questions in advance) I may end up receiving an injunction to stop posting these in this blog, but for now here goes nothing…

1. We’ll start with the bad news, what is your take on PSU’s off-season? The team has stated they are focusing on winning a National Title, will these off-field shenanigans get in the way of that lofty goal?

I remember before the start of the 2005 season when people were complaining that the “sky was falling” after Arrow-Gate and Phone-Gate. Remind me again, how did that season turn out? I think it involved Bobby Bowden and oranges and winning a January bowl game or something like that.

I am more worried about the mass injuries on the D-line hindering any chance we have at winning the National Title than I am about the off-field issues. Even though Andrew Quarless is suspended “indefinitely” I have a feeling that he should be back by the Michigan game the latest. I wouldn’t be shocked to see him back on the field for the Notre Dame game, especially if the game is tight and the offense needs an extra receiving boost. I’d also be willing to bet Chris Baker gets his felony charges dropped, finally putting the entire Apartment saga to rest and officially making Michael Madeira the Dave Wannstedt of District Attorneys.

2. Competition abounds! Give you take on the battle to start in the secondary. Do you prefer to have a rowdy competition or know who your guys will be?

I personally love the competition going on in the secondary, our backups could very well be starters at another Big Ten school so I love the fact that Lydell Sargeant is pushing a beast like A.J. Wallace for major PT…not that I’m hoping a key starter or two goes down in the secondary and forces us to dig deep into our bench, much like the D-line.

3. Describe your behavior as a PSU fan. I know some who are hand wringing nervous pacers and others who are drunken revelers before the football gods — where do you fit?

The moment I knew I was a true PSU fan was at age 7 (1991) when I cried after we lost to Miami (who were back then, at the peak of their “Thug U” days). While I no longer shed tears over tough losses, you can still expect to hear a bunch of George Carlin’s “Words You Can’t Say On Television” come flying out of my mouth combined with plenty of pacing back and forth in front of the TV, and perhaps some “Atta-Boy!” type clapping after a big play.

I should also note that I am one of those types whose whole mood on college football Saturdays rests solely on whether PSU wins. If we win against a quality opponent or beat the hell out of an opponent, I’m in a pretty celebratory mood. If we struggle to win against a dinky opponent or get our behinds kicked by a quality opponent, I’m usually in a somber but “I’ll survive” type of mood. However, tough losses or upset losses practically RUIN my Saturday nights, I’m usually tempted to sulk and drink my sorrows away after games like these.


4. White Out, friend or foe? (I think the white-out is awesome but the blue unis are great! how do you reconcile this conundrum?)

I take it from the other bloggers’ responses that this question addresses the stadium-wide White Outs and not just the student section, I think they are okay once in a while but in general they should keep it to the student section only and encourage the rest of the fans to wear blue.

5. Who would you rather punch in the face: Lee Corso, Mark May, Lou Holtz, or Charlie Weiss?

Let’s do this by process of elimination starting from least likely candidate to most likely:

– Corso can get on my nerves sometimes but his job is to be the “crazy guy” who sometimes puts on the head of the visiting team’s mascot on College Gameday just to draw a nasty reaction from the home crowd. He’s pretty harmless in my opinion, so Corso is out.

-Lou Holtz reminds me of a sick dog in his twilight years…he tries so hard to be the energetic, youthful puppy that he once was but is just sluggish, lethargic, and slobbers all over himself. He needs to be put to sleep, not punched.

– Charlie Weis is a douchebag but I’m afraid of getting my fist stuck in his blubber so he’s eliminated.

– That leaves us with Mark May: The Pitt homer who avoids mentioning the words “Penn” and “State” consecutively whenever possible. I used to be apathetic towards this guy until I watched an episode of College Football Live in which they were doing their daily Notre Dame segment and he was discussing how tough ND’s first half of the schedule was and began rattling off all the strong opponents. As much as his disdain for PSU naturally is, I figured he would mention us as one of ND’s biggest challenges since oh, I don’t know…EVERY OTHER COLLEGE FOOTBALL ANALYST was bringing us up as a tough opponent for them, right? Nope, instead he makes absolutely no mention of us and to add insult to injury mentions MICHIGAN STATE of all teams! Michigan State? You mean the same Michigan State that went 4-8 last year, lacked discipline, lacked the ability to hang onto a lead late in games, and needed an uncharacteristic role reversal against Northwestern to avoid going winless in Big Ten play? The same Michigan State team that’s ill-equipped to play new coach Mark Dantonio’s smash mouth-style of football because John L Smith left him with finesse-type players? Eat my shorts, Mark May.

But let’s face it, we all know that Craig James is the one who most deserves a right hook to the jaw.


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